Healing While Holding Her

Learning softness while giving it.

Softness didn’t come naturally to me.

It’s something I’ve had to learn.

Slowly.

Intentionally.

Sometimes uncomfortably.

Because when you grow up in an environment that’s chaotic, or harsh, or unpredictable—

you don’t always learn softness.

You learn survival.

You learn how to be on edge.

How to protect yourself.

How to stay guarded.

And those things don’t just go away because you become a parent.

But then I had her.

And I knew I wanted something different for her.

I wanted her to feel safe.

Comforted.

Understood.

And I realized—

I can’t give her something I’ve never learned how to hold myself.

So I started paying attention.

To how I respond.

To my tone.

To the way I handle hard moments.

I started choosing softness, even when it didn’t feel natural.

Even when it would’ve been easier to react the way I was taught.

And I won’t pretend I get it right every time.

I don’t.

But I’m learning.

And I think that matters.

Because softness isn’t weakness.

It’s intentional.

It’s powerful.

It’s something you choose, over and over again.

And every time I choose it with her—

I’m also learning how to give it to myself.